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» Relationship Advice
Ryu Hardt
 Posted: Mar 8 2011, 03:34 AM
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I know we had a topic like this on the old Generation Z where people could come to vent about their current relationship, get relationship advice, or really just get anything off their chest about their affairs with the opposite sex.

I’ve decided to start this thread again because, as you may know (if you’ve read the Dream Time topic), I’ve been crushing on this girl named Sam. We’re both currently single and she’s been raping my mind as of late. No matter what I do I can’t seem to get her out of my head. At first things were normal and I thought she was just another ordinary girl, but as time has gone on I’ve started to form feelings for her. I don’t know if they’re mutual (which is factoring into me not asking for a date yet), but the other day when I went to visit my Grandma in the Nursing Home, Sam was a little disappointed that I didn’t find her to say hi since she was working (Sam works at the same Nursing Home my Grandma’s currently residing if you’ve been living under a rock. laugh.gif). Another factor stopping me is that I’ve heard crazy party stories about her. Granted they’ve come from people who you have to take a grain of salt with everything they say, but they still make me uneasy. Mainly because on one hand I could see her doing what they’ve said she’s done while on the other hand it’s hard for me to believe.

So to sum things up, Ryu needs some relationship advice… as if that’s anything new. laugh.gif
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Javert
 Posted: Mar 8 2011, 11:51 AM
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Well, I feel that this is an appropriate topic for this forum. Most of us usually need advice when it comes to relationships at one point or another.

In terms of this situation, I'd just keep talking to her. I had a similar situation happen to me, when I had a crush on a girl during my senior year of high school, but wasn't sure if it was reciprocal. I told a little white lie, to test this. I acted kind of weird around her and when she asked what was wrong, I said that I had a weird dream where her and I were on a date. Then I said, I'd never thought about her that way before, but it really got me thinking. I then asked her if she'd ever thought of me that way. She said she hadn't really, and she thought of me more as an older brother type, which sucked, but I let it die.

She actually brought it up a few months later, while she had a boyfriend, and said she couldn't stop thinking about it, but she's still in high school and has a boyfriend, so we kind of decided we'd wait until after she graduates to bring it up again. That's just one idea. The key to it is to make sure she knows you thought it was a WEIRD dream and that you hadn't thought about that stuff before. Then again, that didn't work for me that well, since it didn't get a relationship out of it, so you can take this suggestion with a grain of salt.

Or, you know, you could just be honest with her, tell her how you feel and hope she feels the same, but that is much more difficult, and less fun, than my route.
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Jenn Jenn
 Posted: Mar 8 2011, 12:47 PM
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Boy's, Men, Gentlemen, I can only say this from a ladies view well for the females, that are like me, (which there is a small amount). Ryu, if you really like the lady just try to talk to get to know her, ask her how her day went, if she has any homework, maybe you can help her, do you own a car? Give her a ride home, whether it be by bus, train, walking, car, go that extra mile, and being that she is dating another man, let her go her way or if she said no thanks, take that in, and let it go, and try it again the next day. If she asked that you stop asking her, do just that, you can also eat lunch with her, "Just to get to know her".

Ryu, there is a lot of ways to get to a ladies heart, just take it a day at a time. Just remember that even though she has another boyfriend, there is a GREAT chance, that boyfriend is not for her, and being nice, and HAVING COMMUNICATION is the greatest thing a man in lust wants, like my advice was give it by day to day, and also remember in your heart that she can reject you as well, but don't give your hopes on her, or the next lady you crush on. wink.gif
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Ravenholme
 Posted: Mar 8 2011, 03:50 PM
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Ask her out. Not for a date or anything, just ask her if she wants to grab a bite to eat or something like that. If you're just hanging out and not at her workplace, it'll probably be a lot less conspicuous if you ask if she's single (or a smoother variation of said question). It makes things a lot easier if you're on friendlier ground, without a doubt. It honestly looks promising if you ask me. She's interested in you enough to be disappointed when you accidentally avoided her, so that's a plus and more pluses involve her being single. As for the party stories, I honestly don't think that should play into your asking her out. If a drunken mistake is enough to make you doubt asking her out, then maybe you should avoid the question all together, for both of your sakes. Besides, said party stories might not even be true, as you pointed out. It's nothing worth worrying over (unless the party stories involve her being a Terminator or something. If that's the case, worry. Worry and run away screaming).

I know I'm not terribly helpful (as I tend to be blunt and straightforward when it comes to dating; because the worst thing that could happen as she rejects your advances), but I thought I'd throw some advice in there as well. I currently don't need any relationship advice however - as I'm sorta getting into a possible relationship - but am all for assisting in others issues, or asking for advice in the future, should I need it.

On one last note, you should read the first post before you reply back, Jlynn. Never once did Ryu say she had a boyfriend. I'm just sayin'.

ETA: Good lawd. I used the word "relationship" too much in this post.
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Otaku
 Posted: Mar 8 2011, 04:32 PM
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QUOTE (Bucky @ Mar 8 2011, 03:50 PM)
Ask her out. Not for a date or anything, just ask her if she wants to grab a bite to eat or something like that. If you're just hanging out and not at her workplace, it'll probably be a lot less conspicuous if you ask if she's single (or a smoother variation of said question). It makes things a lot easier if you're on friendlier ground, without a doubt. It honestly looks promising if you ask me. She's interested in you enough to be disappointed when you accidentally avoided her, so that's a plus and more pluses involve her being single. As for the party stories, I honestly don't think that should play into your asking her out. If a drunken mistake is enough to make you doubt asking her out, then maybe you should avoid the question all together, for both of your sakes. Besides, said party stories might not even be true, as you pointed out. It's nothing worth worrying over (unless the party stories involve her being a Terminator or something. If that's the case, worry. Worry and run away screaming).

I know I'm not terribly helpful (as I tend to be blunt and straightforward when it comes to dating; because the worst thing that could happen as she rejects your advances), but I thought I'd throw some advice in there as well. I currently don't need any relationship advice however - as I'm sorta getting into a possible relationship - but am all for assisting in others issues, or asking for advice in the future, should I need it.

This, word for word! There isn't really much to add to this. As Bucky is, I'm usually a straight forward kinda guy. Might as well try to get with her, before it ends up in the Black Hole Abyss known as the friend zone.
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Ryu Hardt
 Posted: Mar 8 2011, 09:43 PM
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Okay I'm not sure how to respond as I didn't think I'd get as many replies as I did, so please bare with me as I try to get everything covered. Haha!

Javert, I'm not so sure about the "dream theory" because I don't want to make things awkward between us... which is pretty much inevitable if she doesn't return the feelings anyway, but I do appreciate the advice as it may be something I can use in the future. Little white lies never hurt anybody.

Jlynn, I do own a car, but so does she, she just bought a new one actually. So I think this option is out of the question. She does live 10 miles out of town, but that won't stop me from picking her up if a date happens.

Bucky and Fid... you are my kind of guys. I want this to be as honest and simple as possible because we all know it is never easy when it comes to talking to someone you like. As far as the party stories are concerned, I'm going with the quote, "If you can't accept my past mistakes, then you don't belong in my future." route. I honestly don't care if the stories about her are true because she was/is single when they happened.

I'll be sure to keep everyone updated on what happens though... if anything (yes, I tend to think negatively when it comes to relationships) because I consider you guys like family, almost more so than my actual family when it comes to asking for relationship advice. tongue.gif
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The Big Cheese
 Posted: Mar 9 2011, 01:12 AM
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If it makes you feel any better Ryu; I got my current girlfriend by just going up and asking her out like Bucky said. Don't beat around the bush, because if you do, you might get stuck as perma-friends or she may get snatched up by another guy.

Mary is several years older than me, and at the time of my first asking her out [I weighed a bit more back then] waaaay outta my league. I had had two girlfriends before her and both were my age [and total drama queens, which led to my breaking up with them] However, Mary was totally in a league of her own and I can't tell you how nervous I was asking her out. But that's what I did. However, I didn't ask her out on a date. I did what Bucky suggested and casually asked if she would like to see a movie and or go to Applebees. She said yes, and we had lunch together. If you make it to that point; and you find yourself having lunch; this is what you do next: [and I know this is the oldest cliche in the book] Be yourself man. Don't try to impress her with talks of your greatest accomplishments, or how you totally beat the hell out of this one guy in high school. Just tell her what you do now, and what you're into. If she's interested; you've got a keeper. If not, it probably wasn't meant to be. If you have to pretend to be something you're not to impress her, then she isn't the one amigo.

At lunch, I told Mary what I thought of her; and acted how I normally do. A total, awkward spaz. However, it worked for me because she thinks I'm hilarious. [I am the GZ funny guy after all. shameless boasting I know] I made her laugh, asked her if she would maybe wanna do something later as more than friends and she said yes. We've been together for almost two years now.

Don't hesitate man. Nothing sucks worse than beating around the bush, only to have the chick you had the hots for get snatched away by some jock douche wannabe and you get stuck as the best friend forever because you were too nervous to make your move when you had the chance. It's happened to me in the past buddy. More than once.

But if a Nintendo loving nerd like me can get a girl [who I still don't think I deserve, she can do soooo much better than me, and yet she sticks by me and makes me realize how lucky I am] then so can you Ryu. Easily. You're Bardock for God's sake. laugh.gif

Good luck man.

Also, I hope I'm not coming off as an arrogant douche by talking about my girlfriend so much as of late. I'm just thrilled to have her, because my love life [or lack thereof] sucked horrendously before she entered the picture. I'm not a smooth player; just some jackass who finally found the right woman.
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Pumjetsu
 Posted: Mar 9 2011, 01:18 AM
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I don't have any more advice than what I might have told you already.

My situation isn't even that promising. I haven't had any serious feeling for any girls since around 2007. Since then, I've spent 2 years in a sausagefest of college classes, and 2 recent years with girls with boyfriends. I like to think that if I set my sights on someone, I can eventually muster up the guts to talk to them. But I just haven't known any lately. I'm not the type to go meet girls at a bar, or randomly talk to one in the mall or something. So in short; there is a lack of talent in this pool.
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Ravenholme
 Posted: Mar 9 2011, 03:12 AM
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Nah. You're far from arrogant and far from being a douche, King. Not very many of us even talk about our personal life (I honestly inform Generation Z with five percent of my personal life; like I'm here with, I went out with, I'm chilling with, I did, etc...), so when we do share it feels odd. But you're just talking about someone in your life who makes you immensely happy. That just so happens to be your girlfriend of two years. Sure, some of GZ may not have boy-/girlfriends, but I doubt that any one of those people would think less of you for being in love or some neighboring emotion. As far as I'm concerned, we could all do with sharing a little more info about ourselves. It ain't a bad thing and frankly, I support the idea and am happy to hear that an aspect of your life is going so well. You all seem like damn fine human beings and you deserve that happiness.
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The Big Cheese
 Posted: Mar 9 2011, 03:25 AM
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Awww, thanks Bucky. I would cry, but that shows signs of weakness. laugh.gif Yeah, considering I have to work a full forty hour a week job just to get by, have no money to move out and get my own place, [I really am getting sick of being 22 and living with my parents] and have no plans for college. [I would love to go, but it doesn't seem to be in the cards right now] It's nice having something in my life to look forward to. Aside from GZ, nights off for drinking, and the third Chris Nolan Batman movie.

Trust me Ryu, when you meet that special someone; you'll know. It'll be one of the best things that's ever happened to you. Even if your significant other calls you 'Gentle Giant' and er... wears the big pants.

I am ashamed. sad.gif
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Jenn Jenn
 Posted: Mar 9 2011, 01:00 PM
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Men, if there is one thing you got right, it is to just simply ask the lady out. Now granted you might of been shot down a million times, but the one who says yes see's you, and who you are, so go for it Ryu! There is men here for more moral support, being that I am the only female to talk in this subject, I am kinda edgy, but I know what I know. The worse that can happen is she will say no.

Good luck, Ryu!
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Ryu Hardt
 Posted: Mar 9 2011, 03:19 PM
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Pumjetsu, one day you'll find that special someone that'll sweep you off your feet whom you'll fall head over heels for... or at least that's what my Mom and Grandma have always told me. biggrin.gif

Nintenking, you're ANYTING but an arrogant douche. Hell if Sam and I were together I'm sure you all would get tired of me talking about her. I'm pretty sure Pumjetsu and Tyrailius already are. laugh.gif It's funny that you bring up Bardock though because when I was talking to Nasuko yesterday on MSN he said I shouldn't have a problem getting a girl cuz, "You're fucking Bardock, grow some balls!" or something to that effect. Haha!

A couple of things about Sam though is that some of the things I consider turnoffs or stuff that determine if I find a girl datable or not, she has and I don't care. For example she's Catholic and I've said before that I'd never date a Catholic because they're the most religious of religions in the United States. Granted I believe in God and consider myself a Christian, but I make it to church maybe two to three times a year (Easter and Christmas). She's also got a tattoo on her left shoulder, but it is in remembrance of her brother that died. She scared the crap out of me the other week though when she showed us she got another tattoo on the right side of her pelvic/hip area. Thankfully she later revealed it was just a temporary one because her parents would kill her if she got another tattoo. Hell they don't even know about her first, surprisingly.

I seriously think I’m in love. laugh.gif
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Ravenholme
 Posted: Jul 1 2012, 11:45 PM
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And here I thought I'd never post in here ever again because getting girls into my bed comes to me like breathing comes to most. But now that I've made an enemy of everyone on this website, let me just say that I do have a bit of a dilemma that any advice would be welcome. So, as I mentioned in the What's Happenin', GZ? thread, Thursday the twenty-first, Meredith and I fucked for the first time in almost a half an entire year. She'd had a few drinks with friends, I'd been drinking that cheap-but-delicious Cupcake Merlot wine for the most part of the night and talking alone and drunk just led to me winding up in her bed. Then I avoided her for almost an entire week until earlier today, when I got home from Chuck's meeting-thingies. I went over, we talked.

Mostly about - oncoming girly-talk for you manly-men who can't be bothered to read about it - what it meant. Basically, she thinks we can work as a couple so long as I don't try to fill the father-figure role in Emily's life the second we get back together. I think that's ludicrous because I am basically Emily's only babysitter. Meredith has hired some girl named "Steph" (a nickname I despise, just because it makes no sense; like when people used to call me "Trav" or "Travy" or call me "Mike") to watch Emily on like two occasions, but it's mostly been me. I don't mind acting fatherly towards Emily, because I'm the closest thing she has to a father-figure. Meredith's Uncle has his own kids to worry about so he only sees Emily on rare instances. Leland's in England and hasn't contacted either of us in almost a year and when Meredith called to tell him his child was born, that insufferable cunt changed his fucking phone number. So it's hard not to feel as if I should take total responsibility. But that would be a killer for the relationship, apparently. She wants me to continue being me and being young while she's a Mother and that just doesn't seem fair to her. She seems to be a fantastic Mother, but still. She's twenty-three, going on twenty-four in about three months. Most are still stumbling around drunkenly at her age, barely capable of taking care of themselves let alone a baby. So, even though most would be thrilled it just bugs the everloving shit out of me.

She also mentioned we're wouldn't just jump back into the thick of things, that we shouldn't be engaged and that we shouldn't live together simply because that's what we did before. Living apart? Fine by me. I like my current apartment, Gwen is an absolute blast to live with and I think living together would put a pressure on us that neither of us need. Same goes for the idea of being engaged, despite the fact that I haven't stopped loving her since we broke up. Sure, I've fucked more women than I can count in the past six months or so; but most of those women - if not all of them - have meant absolutely nothing to me. So, that's okay but emotionally speaking I just feel unsure about the whole of it. Yes, the idea of being with her is like the promise of Coke to a crackhead going on day thirty of his cold turkey remedy; sure I miss being with her/beside her horribly, but the past six months or so have been agonizingly lonely and tough. I've spent more time drunk than sober, I've spent more time thinking about her while fucking a what's-her-name, I've spent more time being miserable than anything else; but it's just . . . difficult.

So, I ask of your guys' opinions. I probably won't decide based on what's posted in here - if anything is posted - but I'd love any advice on the situation because between the half-bottle of Scotch I've drank and another that I'm currently drinking; I doubt my mental facilities are in proper order. Especially considering I drove semi-drunk to get back home, which has never happened before. Life can be confusing at times, man. Thanks for any posts. Your God knows I need it. sad.gif
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SerenaMoon
 Posted: Jul 4 2012, 11:12 AM
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I am new here, but there is a lot of relationship stuff on my mind that I would like to share.

I have a huge crush on my best friend, Jason. He and I have been best friends for just over 3 years now. We met on another forum for American Idol and have been pretty much joined at the hip ever since. He is 25 and I am 22. Ironically enough, he was 22 when we met.

We met in May 2009, but I didn't start developing romantic feelings for him until November 2009. There was just something about him that drew out those feelings.

In that time I dated my second ex-boyfriend. We dated for a few months before he disappeared on me without a word (and I have a feeling he disappeared because I wasn't willing to have sex with him every time we were alone). In that time I sort of forgot about my feelings for Jason due to clinging onto my ex since I never got closure with him (to this day I haven't).

But after awhile, those feelings resurfaced. Almost a year later was the tragedy in Japan. He is Japanese and has family that still live in Japan. I was worried sick about him and that was when I realized he was the one I truly liked.

These past 3 years have been awful for me, and he's been there for me every step of the way. I won't go into detail right now, maybe someday I will share what has gone on.

He knows I like him, and he has some feelings for me but they're not "all the way there" (but he said the reason they're not all the way there had nothing to do with me). He's my best friend before anything else, so if we did get together, we'd have a strong relationship.

One thing that complicates things is the distance. He's in California while I am in Iowa. I do want to move to California someday to be closer to him (since he's my best friend), but I want to have a steady income and enough money to be able to afford living there.

Basically, I've liked him for 2 and a half years now. I did meet another guy on a dating website, and he was nice, but there was something missing, and then in mid-May he randomly stopped talking to me for no reason. This other guy knew about Jason, and, in my head, he didn't measure up to Jason.

I guess my question is, what should I do about it? My last 2 relationships were almost 5 years apart and I'm tired of that happening, but at the same time, Jason is really the only person I could see myself being with long-term. And I'm worried that I'll keep making comparisons with other guys and that they won't measure up. I haven't brought this up with Jason in awhile since I've accepted that he doesn't want a relationship with any girl right now.

I hope you guys can help me out.
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KDLegend
 Posted: Jul 4 2012, 05:56 PM
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Ravenholme ( I find this name change very strange by the way... To me your still Bucky smile.gif ), to be honest I think that the only thing you can do is tell her exactly what you've just wrote here. Maybe leaving out the parts of all the girls but just telling her that you feel way better with her than without. As for the Emily part, it does sound like you care alot for her and maybe you'll never think that any baby sitter is good enough. I think you like looking after her and its something you should also say. What shes probably really scared off is that if it doesn't work out emily could be crushed. What if you came into her life more gradually? If it's never said she will never really know for sure? The balls in her court then I'm afraid and you'll just have to see what she says. Rooting for you bud smile.gif

Serena, I think it must be really hard to have a best friend that you never see... this is something which would be so strange for me. My best friends are people who I see and talk to everyday. We know each others lives inside out. I think for your situation though, if he's not into you, your going to have to accept that. I know this is hard to hear but the only way of really doing that is by cutting him out of your life a little so that you don't constantly have someone to compare everyone else too.
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